Tuesday, September 23, 2014

I am still in grief...

Tonight, i miss her so much. My granny, the one and only granny in my life.

She's the one who taking care of me since i was a baby besides mommy and aunty. The one who also feed me, taking me to school, teach me to read the holy Qur'an and praying, waiting for me outside my class, taking me to traditional market, buying me sweets, candy bags, accessories, anything i want so i looks like the other girl in school.

She's the one who record my homework from my religion school, even write down some lesson when i was too lazy to go there. She never tired taking care of me even when i'm already growin' up as a teenager, as a women, even when i'm become reckless, rebellion and unresponsible.

She's the one who crying out loud when i have to stay at boarding school. She always waiting for my phone call, for my letters. She's the one who brought my package to post office and sending them by her self every months. She's always crying when i'm graduate. She even crying in my engagement and wedding.

She cook for me, ask me what i want to eat when mommy not around. She always acompany me since i was baby, untill she passed away. She always asked what i need, what i want, what she can do for me. She brought me cake, meals, accessories, present, tiny little things, whenever and wherever she go, especially if she found my favourite things. She fold my dress, stitching up when it's broken. She clean up my mess, she loves me, she want me to be a sholihah girl who could always pray for her when she passed away.

And here i am..

Crying like a child when i miss her. Writing down my feelings and memory about her. Wishing she still down here besides me, hugs me, swept away my tears, seen me raising her great-grand son. I know she'll really happy to see Alif and will love him more than she love me. Deep down inside i'm still in grief. No doubt. I miss her. No one can replace her place in my heart, in my life.

Dear Allah..
Please make me a better person, a sholihah girl like she wants, forgive all my granny sins and mistakes, and Please, i wanna meet her in Your Jannah.


Menjelang 3 tahun kepergianmu yang masih terasa seperti kemarin..

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